No pictures, Just thoughts: RE-ENTRY

January marked the end of our first year in Australia. The end of a year of endless "firsts". Its so nice to now be doing some things for the second time! I did it! I survived the first year of this process they call re-entry. Re-entry wasn't something I was completely unfamiliar with. I had returned to Australia after a year in Canada. I returned with a weird accent and had grown so much spiritually during that year. I also re-entered western culture after 3.5 years in Japan. So, I bowed when crossing the road and said "sumimasen" when I was sorry. Yet I wasn't "home" in the US, either. I was "the Aussie" who took a job at the Outback hoping for extra tips. I was fairly familiar with feeling like a square peg being pounded into a round hole. I'd looked in the mirror many times realizing I'd become some strange cultural hybrid. But this return to Australia after 10 years abroad was a big one. "You must be excited to be going home" were words that quite honestly made me wince.

Many of the changes and emotional process that have come with re-entry so far, aren't all that different from the ones I've faced when moving from city to city. Others have been so very different, have had a much deeper impact, or required more adjustment. Others probably haven't even surfaced yet.

We were blessed that most of the logistical aspects of our move were very smooth. I'm so thankful because this certainly lessened the waves of re-entry. For example, we found a rental home that suited our needs and though we didn't have quite everything on the realtor's list, we were approved within an hour of handing in our application. Our shipment from the US arrived and was delivered promptly, so we could quickly set about making our house our home (minus the ill-fated wooden snowman . . . but really what place does a snowman have in an Australian Christmas anyhow?)

Some changes were fun and exciting. Like easy access to a huge variety of Arnotts and Cadbury's for example! Shallow, I know! But comfort food is comfort food! The "lolly" and "biscuit" aisles were my place of rest after at least an hour of puzzling over metric conversions and new brands. Grocery shopping was an area where re-entry could easily rear its ugly head. One minute I'd be feeling lost and frustrated. I'd say to myself, "just accept that this is ALL new and unfamiliar..." Yet, the next minute, I'd see a product name that would trigger some marketing jingle I knew from growing up here. It was as though when I tried to disconnect myself to make it easier, something familiar would reel me back in. I had to always stop and think "ok coriander or cilantro.... Where am I??? What do they call it here?" Trivial examples. My point is, I felt like I had each leg in a different world and it was exhausting to say the least.

I'm amazed at the difference a year can make. I can grocery shop in 45 minutes or less and don't feel the need to cry in the process. I've found substitutes for most things I was used to using but can't find here (and was recently blessed by a care package that filled many of those gaps! Thank you Park Avenue church of Christ!) I no longer fear there are funnel webs lurking under my bed. I don't groan as much about hanging clothes out to dry. In fact I almost enjoy it! I usually get in the right side of the car. I can estimate my kids weight in kilos so that I can buy the correct size nappies. I know when to expect bills, the best way to claim on Medicare, and a good place for a haircut. You get the picture. Day to day life requires much less mental energy than it did 12 months ago and I am so thankful.

The more difficult transitions have been relational. Trying to connect with people and enter already existing, tightly knit social circles. For me this was made more difficult by having a 6 month old and finding out at the end of February that I was pregnant. The very thing that I envisioned connecting me (children) kept me more housebound than I anticipated. Everywhere I had lived prior to Wollongong, I had enjoyed a thriving social network. A good balance of people-time and me-time, whenever I needed it. The loss of connection and social network has been hands down my most difficult aspect of re-entry.

There is always two sides to a coin though. This past year I've enjoyed reconnecting with my parents, grandfather, siblings, nieces and nephews. With church, high school and university friends. I'm merging the old Nicole and the "now" Nicole with the experiences of the past ten years. A Brisbane born girl who speaks Japanese with Ibaraki-ben, English with an odd accent, a "yank" for a husband (not really but...), a Texan for a daughter and a Wollongong born son. Who uses nappy and diaper/dummy and pacifier in the same sentence because I forget where I am.

In 2010 I'm going to open my arms, mind and heart a little wider so that I can better embrace Year Two back in Australia. To quit stuttering when I'm asked where I'm from, and to not launch into an apology for my accent! To try to remember that my tendency to vacillate between cultures is probably more irritating to others than their generalizations about Australia or America are irritating to me. I'm also going to accept that I might well feel like a global nomad for the rest of my life. I'll find a way to be ok with that. To cherish the past, embrace the present and look forward to the future. And, I can thank God because He has been with me during Year One! He's blessed me with people who've walked a similar road (and survived!) and with a family who has loved me and picked me up too many times to count. "O sewa ni narimashita" for the past, and "Yoroshiku" to them for your help this coming year.